This week I was asked to speak on 1 Peter 3. Since the majority of this passage focus on marriage, I struggled, as a single, in preparing a lesson for group of singles. While putting my thoughts together, I decided to go in a different direction with this week’s lesson and focus on the gift of singleness.
A. WHY WOULD ANYONE BE SINGLE or WANT TO BE SINGLE...? Who is Single?
1. Some may be single by circumstance
a. Women who have never been asked to marry, or Men who have never found a woman that they want to marry.
b. Men who have not yet found a woman to accept their proposal
c. Some are divorced, for a variety of reasons- perhaps through no fault of their own
d. Some are widowed
e. Some of us are in circumstances that do not allow us to be married
Many individuals, who are single due their circumstance, live in waiting. I think this is partly because of the culture we live in (especially in the church). Some people may believe that we/they are less as a single person than those who are married or part of their own family.
When people get engaged or have a new baby, we shower them with gifts. (This is not a bad thing, but it can paint a picture that you are rewarded when you reach this point of your life.) Many of us single folks live off hand-me-down furniture and household items and so just by our surroundings we could feel unfulfilled.
Or maybe you struggle dealing with the perception that others may have:
I spoke to a few single individuals and collected a few statements that singles hear, some true and some false:
i. “When you are fully content in God, the He will bring you the one.” (FALSE)
This can’t possible be true, this would mean that all the married people have it figured out and that they have reached a point of contentment in Christ that the rest of us (single people) have not yet grasped. (False) When we listen to this statement, we start to believe we are not right with the Lord and we could even use our relationship status as a means to justify our status with God.
ii. I don’t know why you are still single? So weird- you are so cute/funny. (FALSE)
Is this supposed to make us feel better? Haha because when I hear this one I question- “Yah, what is wrong with me?”
iii. Don’t make marriage the end goal! Jesus is the goal! (TRUTH)
Your problems do not all magically go away when you are married…. Marriage is not the end goal. Jesus is the end goal, building relationships with others and drawing them closer to Christ is the goal!
2. Some may be single by choice
a. Prefer the single life on its own merits
b. Chosen to remain single for other reasons: freedom, no desire to settle down, want to focus on our career….
c. Paul tells us to use our singleness to advance the kingdom!
1) Jesus said some would be single for the sake of the kingdom – Matthew 19:11-12
But Jesus said, “Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life. It requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn’t for everyone. Some, from birth seemingly, never give marriage a thought. Others never get asked—or accepted. And some decide not to get married for kingdom reasons. But if you’re capable of growing into the largeness of marriage, do it.”
2) Paul considered his singleness a "gift from God" 1 Corinthians 7:7-8
Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others. I do, though, tell the unmarried and widows that singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me. But if they can’t manage their desires and emotions, they should by all means go ahead and get married. The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life as a single.
3. Sometimes, circumstances make being single the best choice
a. 1 Corinthians 7:25
The Master did not give explicit direction regarding virgins, but as one much experienced in the mercy of the Master and loyal to him all the way, you can trust my counsel. Because of the current pressures on us from all sides, I think it would probably be best to stay just as you are. Are you married? Stay married. Are you unmarried? Don’t get married. But there’s certainly no sin in getting married, whether you’re a virgin or not. All I am saying is that when you marry, you take on additional stress in an already stressful time, and I want to spare you if possible.
With so many possible reasons, we should be careful not to presume why anyone is single. Many view singleness as the pre-season leading up to the real season and no one really cares about the preseason games. But this is not a biblical view. Our relationship status does not define us or bring us more or less value.
I recently did a Beth Moore Study where I was asked: “ what are some things you want but do not have”- one thing I listed was a relationship/future marriage.
As the questions continued on it asked: “who has the thing you want and would you trade places with them?” I thought about this question for a very long time and the answer was No. Yes there are people who have the relationship I want on the outside, but I know those people still struggle with many of the same things I do. Their marriages/families did not make these struggles magically disappear. Actually, the additions through marriage/children many times have added more difficulties.
I realized that I am jealous of my fantasy!! (I am jealous of Cinderella)
B. WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS TO BEING SINGLE...?
Freedom from care and Freedom to Serve the Lord!
1 Corinthians 7:32-35I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you’re unmarried, you’re free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God. I’m trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder. All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions.
There are opportunities to serve the Lord that may only be available while you are single:
1) Preaching in foreign countries
2) Doing more for others in the local congregation
3) Spending your time volunteering
4) Building friendships with believers and non-believers
So then, why are many of us in a hurry?
Why do we feel that it is a race to the finish line or maybe not a race but a “waiting” period?
I was listening to a Podcast from a pastor out in the woodlands the other day and he said, asked- you want to know the way to find a spouse? “RUN TOWARDS GOD!” You run towards God, You serve God and you don’t look behind you for someone else. As you run towards him you can glance EVERY NOW AND THEN to the left or the right and if there is someone running at your pace that you enjoy running with, then get married so you can encourage each other to run even faster! But no matter what, if you remain single or you get married, You don’t stop running!
I read a blog recently called : “I don’t wait anymore”
This blog was written by a woman in her 30s. She shared that she was no longer going to wear her true love waits ring. Before I read the whole story, I thought- wow how sad, why would she give in to the desires of this world now? Why give up. But once I read the blog I realized she was not giving up physically, she was simple going to run and no longer wait for someone. She finally realized that God wanted her to be who He made her to be (single or married). She didn’t need to wait for a man to serve the Lord! This is what she said:
“When we demand that God bring us a mate, we block His love from enhancing our social life. The anger that we harbor builds a wall between us and Him. If we are honest with ourselves, we realize that our demand for marriage is a refusal of God’s love because we want our selfish desires met.”
My Sister and I wear the same "true love waits" ring and we now joke about making new ones that say "True love runs!"
C. DO WE TRUST GOD?
I think what this all boils down to is this: Do we really Trust God? Do we really trust God? Or do we fear a life of loneliness and unfilfillment? (we don’t have to even be talking about a relationship now, you can fear the lord wont provide something else you long for too)
My Sister and I wear the same "true love waits" ring and we now joke about making new ones that say "True love runs!"
C. DO WE TRUST GOD?
I think what this all boils down to is this: Do we really Trust God? Do we really trust God? Or do we fear a life of loneliness and unfilfillment? (we don’t have to even be talking about a relationship now, you can fear the lord wont provide something else you long for too)
1 Peter 3:6- “like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.”
Story of Sarah: she longed for a child. (This was her fear)
· Even after God had promised her- she still tried to make it happen on her own- Abraham slept with their servant.
· But still God was faithful!
· Had Isaac at a VERY old age
· The Lord literally brought life from death- as technically her womb was dead.
· THEN God tells Moses to take Isaac as a sacrifice- we do not see Sarah put up a fight. I think this is because she trusted the Lord’s plan more than her own desires.
Many of us are like Sarah. The Lord has promised us that he will provide ALL our needs and that He is ALL we need to be satisfied. But we often allow our circumstance to create a fear that He is not going to be enough and we search for something else to satisfy our desires. This is the type of faith we are suppose to have- married or unmarried.
Recently someone shared a story about a gift their grandmother gave them each year for Christmas. One year this person can specifically remember wanting a Nintendo. After asking and asking, his parents gave him a Nintendo and of course it was the first gift he wanted to open. After he opened the gift He was so excited to go play he didn’t care to open the gift/card from his grandmother. Each year his grandmother would give him a US savings bond certificate. And each year his dad would collect these cards/US Savings bonds for him. He shared this with me:
“It takes someone with great wisdom to give us a gift knowing that we will not understand its value now or even be appreciative but one day it will fully appreciate and we will understand its value and then we will understand why. “
Today the Nintendo is somewhere in the trash- it has become obsolete. But the Savings bonds from his grandmother have helped him pay for college!
Singleness can be a gift that we just do not currently understand. Paul says it is good for you to be single. There is a reason- “to secure that which is appropriate.” To fit with your environment, to fit the context where you currently find yourself- Paul even says: stay single so that you are freer to purse ministry and the things of God. “Secure in you an undivided devotion to the Lord.”
Pursue Jesus. Run towards Jesus and if there is someone running next to you that you fall in love with, then get married, but marriage does not solve all your problems!
*He knows the well-deliberated plan for your life and how all things must fall into place for you to fulfill your destiny. So submit to God! *
