My Apology: Letting go of Pride

I need to make a confession that has been brought to my attention over the past few days- I struggle with pride. This battle is due to my lack of faith and it has caused some rifts in my relationships/friendships. Last week, I shared a personal story that some people possibly received the wrong way.

As I shared-last December, when I was without a job and very new to NY, I struggled with self esteem issues. I was extremely embarrassed to admit that I had failed and questioned what I was doing with my life. I alluded to not having many friends at the time- the truth is not that I was without friends, it is that because of my pride- I was not willing to openly share the truth (the embarrassment I felt) with others, especially since I was new and wanted these new people to like me. Due to my selfishness, I was not able to completely open up and deepen these new friendships. Thus, I felt very alone on the inside- I knew how to put on a face and make others believe I was just fine, but I was only harming myself by not sharing my true feelings with others. 

However; In December/January (during the peck of all the ciaos) I had just met an extremely welcoming group of people. Those friends (who later grew to be like family) loved and encouraged me through this dark period of my life. Struggling to see past my selfishness, I was not completely honest with them nor with the others we knew. This was due to my lack of faith, doubt, and here it is pride! Although I had only known these girls for a few short weeks, they would have welcomed my honesty and struggles with open arms- as true friends do!

As I admitted, I was not the same person during that time of my life. I viewed the Lord through my circumstances. While new to the city & jobless- I spent way too much time alone and I grew very bitter. What I wanted to share is this-Although there were people around me, deep down, I was very lonely and felt inferior because I was not working and could not see what I would ever amount to. Yes, it was only a matter of weeks, but to me it felt like a century- I failed to see how the Lord was working in my life; He had different plans than my own! I failed to recognize that He had provided me with people who would soon grow to be Lifelong friends!!

"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:9

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 

I shared the significance Apostles & the women in my bible study have had in my life- The Lord opened my eyes through their prayers and forced me to examine my life…. But what I did not include was this: If it had not been for the people I knew from the beginning of my journey- some key people in my testimony- I would never have stuck around to make it past the dark part of my journey!

To everyone who I have offended- I want to apologize and thank you for welcoming and loving me without question. I want you to know is this: my heart has changed and I am not the same person as I was last winter. I no longer find my identity in this world, but in Christ alone!  I truly want my words/actions to reflect his love! I am human and I will mess up A LOT- but I pray that I never cause others to stumble due to something I have said or done.

Proverbs 17:17- A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need.