1 Corinthians 2:9
But it is just as the Scriptures say,
“What God has planned for people who love him is more than eyes have seen or ears have heard. It has never even entered our minds!”
These past few days, I have been struggling with anxiety; fearful of what my future holds. I feel as though my emotions are on a never ending roller-coaster. Sitting here thinking about the various pieces of my life: friends, job, apartment, relationship status, city, appearance, finances, hobbies, struggles… I am overwhelmed by how often these things are altered and the effect each modification has had on my life. Recently I have found myself consumed by some of these topics, dwelling on the “what ifs” and “whens.” I am guilty of making my own plans and forming my own ideas of how things “should be.” I often become blinded by my desires and sometimes convince myself that my ideas are also His. This is exactly what the enemy wants me to believe, because when my life does not play out as I planned, I begin to doubt.
Looking back on my life, not much has gone the way I originally planned. Instead trusting in God’s plan, I often find myself making adjustments or writing a new ending to my story. I am often too stubborn to admit that my way is not always best.
Knowing that the Lord is in control and that his plan is better than mine, why do I still find myself struggling with fear & doubt? I was talking about this issue with one of my friends last night… I shared some of my concerns with her and admitted that I was struggling. I am so back and forth; I give it to Christ and ask that he would take away any doubts I have. God is faithful and for a day or two I am filled with peace, believing that He will take care of me. However, a few days later I am right back here in a pool of doubt. As I was sharing all this with her I realized, in order to have faith and in order to trust that God has a plan, there had to originally be some form of doubt (which is the opposite of faith). It is because of doubt that I am able to have faith! Rather than allowing a fear to lead to anxiety, what if I began to use any fearful thoughts as a reminder- God is faithful to those who love Him!
Jesus tells us in Luke 9:23 that we must deny ourselves DAILY, pick up our cross and follow HIM!
Lamentations 3: 18-24 I tell myself, “I am finished! I can’t count on the Lord to do anything for me.” Just thinking of my troubles and my lonely wandering makes me miserable. That’s all I ever think about, and I am depressed. Then I remember something that fills me with hope. The Lord’s kindness never fails! If he had not been merciful, we would have been destroyed. The Lord can always be trusted to show mercy each morning. Deep in my heart I say The Lord is all I need; I can depend on him!”
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