I had planned on writing about the next chapter of The Case for Faith this afternoon, but I want to dive into something God has placed on my heart. These past four months I have been on a life-changing rollercoaster. Less than four months ago I was living in Houston, Texas with no plans for relocating. It is strange to think about how drastically my life has changed.
My whole life, I have had a plan. I have always had a “blanket of security.” I have never truly had to lean on God for endurance. I was raised by a Christian family, went to a small private high school, and then went to Texas A&M (Just miles from home). After graduation, I accepted a secure job in Houston and moved back with my sister and parents. My friends were in Houston, I was a leader at church, and I was involved in several other activities. The three things I turn to for security: Friends, Finances, & Family, I had the best of all three… not a concern in the world, but I always wondered “is this it for me?” When the opportunity to move to New York was presented, I did ask God to open the door if it were where He wanted me, but I admit, I was looking for signs telling me to go! Lately I have wondered why I was so quick to jump at the opportunity? Why was I willing to leave everything behind for this? Why did God gave me such a peace about it at the time? I was sure it would be such a smooth transition. But it has been quite the opposite….
A few days ago, I sat with my boss, Eimear, as we talked about “moving forward.” I shared my concerns and doubts about continuing with her company. God willing, she understood my concerns and offered to help with any future endeavors. Although I am thrilled the chat went well, I am now trying to figure out where to go from here… Ok God… that job got me here, but it was not the best long term fit. What do you want me to do? If I don’t figure it out… there goes my security in finances, my family isn’t here, and my friend pool is pretty small… SOO now I have 0 of those three security blankets.
Through the mist of challenges, Christ has radically opened my eyes. I moved to New York City to start a new life & a new career, however; Christ had his own reasoning behind the transition. I have questioned… “Was this really the right thing for me... Did I make a mistake?” I am not the type to admit when I have made a mistake, so of course I told everyone back home that I was doing AWESOME! I even think I fooled myself.
Lately, I have spent lots of time digging in the word and opening up to God. Ironically, I am in the loudest and busiest city, but still, I have had more time alone in silence than I ever have before. New York can be a very lonely place… especially during the dark & cold winter. I have definitely felt the loneliness, but it is exactly what I needed. God is showing me the true meaning to life and He is opening my eyes to things I need to eliminate.
I have challenged myself to get plugged in and devote more of my time to Christ. Although I have more free time now, the devil knows how to distract me, he gets me worked up and caught up in so many things. Right now I believe God wants me to draw to Him and take advantage of the stillness… but satan knows my insecurities and he has been trying to get me down. “What if you never find a job,” or “You will never find a job that you like… or one that pays well… You might as well settle.” This is far from the truth!! God created me, He made me great at something… and He has the perfect plan for my life. I just have to trust in Him and wait for his timing.
Many of my quiet times these past few weeks have related to His plan. God gives us so many examples of how he uses our struggles for our own good. (Challenges are used for Greatness!) I recently joined a women’s bible study; we are walking through the Old Testament. This week’s study was on Joseph.
First example of how challenges are used for greatness:
(The story starts in Genesis 37)
Joseph was one of Jacob’s favorite of the 12 sons. He had everything he needed and his life was great. Yet, God had much bigger plans for Joseph. God planed to make Joseph second in command to Pharaoh! However, in order to get him there, he had to endure several challenges. His brothers sold him into slavery; he was accused of rape and thrown into prison! God gave Joseph the gift of interpreting dreams; this talent led him out of prison and into the presence of Pharaoh. When Joseph was the only man who could interpret Pharaoh’s dreams, He became second in command. Then, through Joseph’s plan to store up the harvest during the years of abundance, he was able to save many lives during the years of famine! (including his brothers lives, the ones who sold him!)
Second example:
On Sunday I went to J-High ministry in New York; I joined with the 8th grade girls. They were discussing the story of Ruth. Ruth willingly returned to her mother in law’s city after husband passed. As a widow, Ruth honored the commitment to her husband’s family. She was not looking for another man, but only to please Naomi, her mother in law. Through Ruth’s obedience, she met Boaz (the night in shinning armor) in the middle of a field! Because she was honoring the Lord instead of worrying about her own interests, the Lord blessed her! Jesus Christ comes directly from the line of Ruth!! Our savior came through obedience during her pain!
WOW… I could continue on with examples, but I want to sum all this up. God allows pain and suffering in our lives for reasons that are unseen and unknown. I don’t know why I am living in New York with absolutely no secure direction, But God knows. He has all the answers! Just like Joseph and Ruth, I am going to choose to walk blindly… I will allow Christ to direct me. Please Pray for me during this journey. I am excited, scared, and ready to see what is next!
Jeremiah 139: 13-16
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
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