If I am honest, for the first twenty-two years of my life I was only concerned about how situations affected ME. This time last year I was convinced that I had everything, I had never been happier (I was happy; not joyful) I had a boyfriend who I was "madly in love with" a good paying job, and life seemed to be going GREAT! "Ha God- I don't need to give you my life. Why would i surrender when I already have it all?? Everyone wants what I have, I've got it all!"
"NEWS FLASH- Get off your high horse Laura... You have nothing without Me." (If I had been listening... That's what God was SCREAMING!)
Oct. 2010- My "Magical" boyfriend and I fall apart, by mom is dealing with melanoma, my brother leaves for the army, Oh and I quickly found out working; even on pay day, isn't all that "fun." Nothing money can buy satisfies you long-term.So now going into the 2010 Holiday Season, I am at the lowest point of my life...
So I decided to devote my time to activities... I realize now, this was a way to put my problems/ upset feelings on hold. I became a regular at Second Baptist Church, joined a rodeo committee, Lead socials for a new singles class, Attended several young professionals events, played on a Co-Ed softball team (HA... that was humbling), & joined a number of small groups. I think I did a great job at fooling everyone, myself included, that I was happy and had it all together. But like they say... Habits are hard to break; again I was trying to find happiness by myself. (Which can only be found for a temporary period)
August of 2011, (Yes about 8 weeks ago) I woke up one morning and for the first time ever felt the Lord speaking to me... "Laura- I love you more than you will ever know. Only I can bring you joy (True happiness). What are you looking for? I am right here!" But God... “I am going to church, I am even a class leader... what do you mean? I am drawing to you....”
Matthew 15:8 says: "These people draw near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their heart is FAR from me."
Ok God, "You are right. You know my heart and I might be able to fool the world, but I cannot fool you. I am broken. All these activities I am involved in are just keeping my mind off my pain.... I SURRENDER! What now?"
Philippians 3:13-14: Brethren, I count not myself yet to have laid hold: but one thing I do, forgetting the things which are behind, and stretching forward to the things which are before, I press on toward the goal unto the prize of high calling of God in Christ Jesus.
For the next few weeks, I will be reading through Rick Warren's The Purpose Driven Life. I am by no means a writer or a teacher and I do not claim my thoughts and words as truth; but I feel called to share what the Lord has been teaching me these past few weeks. I cannot begin to describe the Joy Christ has started to form in my heart. Although my life is a complete mess, I am full of Hope. I am confident Christ has something exciting planed for my life and I feel something BIG is coming. For now I choose to remain patient, and Trust in HIM!
I hope this Blog will inspire those of you "seeking for happiness," to no longer seek. Happiness is temporary. The key to Joy (which is permanent happiness) is in JESUS CHRIST!
LORD: I SURRENDER MY LIFE TO YOU… WHAT NOW?
